Harlem Girl Lost Read online

  At the prom, the master of ceremonies announced that it was time to present the award to this year's prom king and queen.

  “And the prom king and queen of the graduating class of 1999 are … Mr. Trevor Smalls and Ms. Silver Jones!”

  The crowd gave a round of applause as the two held hands and walked up the stairs to the waiting principal and dean, who held a tiara, a bouquet of flowers, and a plaque. Trevor shook hands with the principal and dean, accepted the plaque, and then turned to wave to well-wishers in the crowd. Next, Silver stepped forward and was crowned with the tiara and given the bouquet. She smiled, and the crowd went wild. It was the single greatest day in Silver's entire life.

  Trevor stepped to the podium first. “Thank you, thank you … I'd like to thank God for blessing me and allowing me to be here today. Secondly, I'd like to thank my mom and dad for supporting me in all my endeavors. I'd like to thank my date for making me look better. Most of all, I'd like to thank you, my fellow students, and the staff for nominating me as this year's prom king. I won't let you down. Thank you.”

  The master of ceremonies stepped forward. “I can see that God must be missing an angel, ‘cause we got one right here on this stage! I present to you not only this year's prom queen, but also this year's valedictorian … Ms. Silver Jones!”

  Shyly, Silver walked up to the podium and surveyed the crowd, which fell silent. “I would like to thank God, the staff, and my fellow students for having me as valedictorian.” She paused, looked down for a moment, then took a deep breath. “About five years ago, my mother was murdered in a Times Square motel room by a deranged killer. My mother was a prostitute.” Some staff and students gasped. The principal and dean exchanged nervous glances, but Silver waited for everyone to settle down before continuing.

  “What I remember most about my mother was when she used to walk me to school every morning after she finished work. She would make me repeat these little affirmations and sayings, hundreds of them! I would ask her if I didn't need this for school, then what were they good for? Well, she never really explained that part to me. She just would say that in time I'd understand. Well that time has come—I now understand. One of the things that I remember her asking me was, ‘What is the worst word in the world?’ And I would say cant. She would then ask me, ‘Why?’ I would answer, ‘Because if you exclude that word from your vocabulary, you can do anything you want!’

  “When she died … when she died, I thought to myself I couldn't go on, because there was nothing in life I had to look forward to. I felt that if I couldn't have my mother, what's the point? Well, over the years without her, there were plenty of days when I honestly didn't know if I could make it through another day. I could have given myself a reason to just quit, take the easy way out like so many people that I've known. Doubt tried to convince me to give in, but I couldn't, and I honestly never knew why. It wasn't until this very moment, this very second, that I realize why I never gave up.” The room was silent enough to hear a pin drop, everyone captivated and hanging on every word.

  “It was because I didn't know how. That was something she never taught me how to do. You see, I realized that all those years when she was alive, what she was doing was preparing me for rough times, knowing that they will surely come. She told me how she got tricked into using heroin and became an addict, she told me how she was given a choice at the age of fifteen when she got pregnant with me to either have an abortion or move out. Since she was unfortunate enough to have made those life-changing choices, she made sure I didn't fall for the same illusions and misconceptions that had ruined her own life. So I guess that's why she started instilling in me something more valuable than gold and something more precious than the largest of all diamonds—and that something is the truth!” She smiled. “It's funny, but my mother told me that this was going to happen, and I'm not just talking about graduating from high school. She said that I was going to graduate at the top of my class and become the valedictorian. She described almost to the letter how I would stand before my peers and graciously accept my award. That was almost seven years ago. How did she know that it would become reality? Tonight is not just an illusion, but the reality of her lifelong vision that shines through her and through me. The truth is that she really didn't leave me. She's very much alive within me, because she is inside my heart, my soul, and my mind.”

  Tears began to flow as she continued. “In parting, I would like to thank four people, especially my best friend, Missy Anderson. If it weren't for you simply being a friend, I wouldn't have had any. I'll die for you, girl.”

  Missy, overwhelmed with tears, called back,”I'd die for you, too!”

  “And to my Auntie Birdie and Chancellor Haze, wherever they are, I will never forget you. Lastly, I want to thank and dedicate this award to my mother, Ms. Jessica Jones.” Silver looked upward. “Thank you, Mother … I will always love you.”

  Many in the student body and several teachers were in tears. Stifled sniffles gave way to slow clapping that turned into a thunder of applause as Silver smiled back at them. This was her greatest moment of achievement.

  Her smile faded when she noticed the grim face of her grandmother staring imposingly back at her from the crowd. Not missing a beat, Missy looked toward where Silver was staring, and her jaw dropped. Silver grew weak-kneed and put her head down as she slowly began walking off the stage. Hands patted her on the back, and some people hugged her as she made her way toward the exit. By the time Silver reached her grandmother, Missy was already there, taking responsibility for everything. But her grandmother wasn't hearing any of it.

  At home, her grandmother screamed, “So you want to be a fast bitch, huh? I'm gonna show you what I do to fast bitches like you! You know what to do—get out of that funky dress, wipe that shit off of your face, and come back with the extension cord, ‘cause I'm gonna whip your fast ass!”

  Silver reluctantly complied. She went to her room and changed out of her dress. All the while she heard her grandmother calling her everything but a child of God. Silver stared at herself in the mirror as she washed off the makeup. She imagined her mother standing behind her, and visualized her gently placing her hands on her shoulders and smiling at her. The image disappeared when she heard her grandmother yelling for her to come out and bring the extension cord with her. Silver slowly walked to the kitchen and came out with the extension cord, which she handed to her grandmother.

  “Since you want to be cute, I'm gonna teach your ass not to disobey me. Now lift up your shirt.”

  Silver reluctantly lifted up her shirt, exposing ugly scars from past whippings, and turned around for yet another beating. She bit down on her bottom lip and closed her eyes to brace herself.

  “You want to be grown, huh? I'll teach you to stay in a child's place. You are just like your no-good mother, but I'll beat the black out of your ass before you disrespect me!”

  Suddenly Silver opened her eyes, dropped her shirt, and turned around. “No more!”

  “What did you say?” her grandmother snapped.

  “I said no more!” It was the first time Silver had ever talked back to her.

  Her grandmother raised her arm to hit Silver with the extension cord, but Silver wrestled the cord out of her hands and threw it down. “I'm tired of you beating me for no good reason,” Silver said calmly.

  “Bitch, have you lost your goddamn mind?” her grandmother shrieked.

  “Have you?” Silver replied. “All I wanted to do was go to my prom! My prom … and I'm wrong?” Silver stared at her. “I don't ever go anywhere, I put up with everything you tell me to do, I get straight A's in school, and nothing I do seems to ever satisfy you! What did I ever do to you to make you hate me so much?”

  The older woman sneered. “You want to know why? Because you are a lying, filthy slut just like your mother, and you gonna be just like her—a dirty junkie whore!”

  Silver sadly shook her head. “You know what? All these years, I used to think that my mother d
ied on my birthday in that motel room, but I was wrong. She died long, long before that.” Shaking her head in pity, Silver continued. “I feel sorry for you because you ain't nothing but a miserable old woman who doesn't have an ounce of happiness inside you.”

  “Since you want to be grown up, you can get the hell out of my house.”

  Silver smiled. “That ain't a problem. I was gonna leave out of this prison anyway.” She went to her room to pack her clothes, her grandmother close behind her.

  “Oh, no, you don't, bitch. You ain't taking none of them clothes I bought you. Since your ass is so grown, you go sell your pussy like your mama and buy your own.”

  Silver laughed. “You call those clothes? You can keep them. I can get better clothes at the Salvation Army.” She walked out the front door, her grandmother on her heels as she headed out the door.

  “And don't come back!” Mrs. Jones yelled. “Don't come calling me when you get into trouble, ‘cause you gonna turn into a whore and drug addict just like your simple-ass fucking mother!”

  That was it. Silver stopped in her tracks. The words had cut through her like a razor, and all the years of pent-up anger finally made Silver snap. She turned around quickly and stormed back toward her grandmother, who closed her eyes, preparing herself for the worst. Unexpectedly, Silver placed a soft, gentle kiss on her cheek. Her grandmother opened her eyes to Silver's smiling face.

  “My mother use to say, ‘For your worst enemy, you don't ever have to do or wish them any harm that they aren't already putting on themselves.’ She told me that instead of hating your enemy, love them, and that would kill them quicker than a bullet ever would. You have so much hate inside of you, you're not even able to love yourself. So here's what I'm going to do. Since you're incapable of loving yourself, I'm going to love you until you learn to love yourself. So until then, Grandma, good-bye. My mother and I still love you.” Silver smiled and walked away, leaving her grandmother standing speechless.

  Chapter 15

  WELCOME BACK, BIRDIE

  Silver had not been in this building in over five years. She wasn't even sure if Birdie still lived there—or was even alive, for that matter. She would have stayed at Missy's house for the night, but knew that she would not have anywhere to sleep because Missy's apartment was so crowded. Silver could only pray that Birdie still lived here. She heard the bedroom door inside the apartment squeak open.

  “Nigger, why you waking me out my sleep? Where the hell is your key?”

  Silver smiled when she heard the familiar voice as the door of apartment 3F swung open. Smiling from ear to ear, Silver looked up at her auntie, whom she hadn't seen in years. Birdie, much older now, bore multiple scars across his face and an ugly webbed eye from the beating years earlier. He did not recognize her at first.

  “Can I help you, young lady?”

  Silver couldn't contain her excitement. “It's me, Auntie Birdie … Silver.”

  As if a bolt of lightning had hit him, Birdie's jaw dropped. “Silver? Oh, my lord … is that you?”

  She nodded. “Yes, it's me.”

  Birdie embraced her with a big hug and began crying as he looked toward the ceiling. “Lord, I knew you would bring her back to me. Come in, child.” He ushered her in from the hallway. “Oh, child, I miss you so much, I got so many questions to ask you … What brings you here this time of night?”

  Silver looked down, embarrassed.

  Birdie nodded knowingly. “Your grandmother, right?”

  Silver nodded again.

  “It's okay, baby, you don't have to explain,” Birdie said. “I already know. We'll talk about that later. For now, tell me everything that's been going on in your life … Ooh, I miss you so much!”

  Birdie and Silver sat up and talked for hours before Tommy, Birdie's boyfriend, entered the apartment. Tommy was a tall, wiry man with beady yellow eyes and bad skin. “Oh, Tommy,” Birdie said, “I want you to meet my niece, Silver. She's gonna be staying with us a little while until she goes off to college.”

  Silver tried to smile, but Tommy gave her the creeps, the way he stared her up and down with his cadaverous face. He nodded to her and then turned to Birdie.

  “Fix me some breakfast. I'm hungry.”

  With that, he walked into the bedroom and closed the door.

  “Don't mind him,” Birdie said. “He's just crazy like that. It takes some time to get to know him, but he's harmless.”

  Silver nodded in acknowledgment, but that didn't ease the bad vibes she felt from the man.

  “By the way, where is your clothes?”

  “What you see is what I own,” Silver said, patting the clothes she wore.

  “Girl, don't you worry, ‘cause your Auntie Birdie is taking you shopping for a new wardrobe first thing tomorrow.”

  “Auntie Birdie, you don't have to do that. You doing me a big favor by just letting me stay here with you.”

  “Child, look at me. We are family. I'm not doing you any kind of favors by letting you stay here or by buying you some outfits. I changed your diapers with these hands right here. Me and your mother, God bless her soul, was everything to each other, and before she died, she made me promise her that I would protect you.” Birdie swallowed hard. “They took you away from me once, and I refuse to let that happen again. So what I do for you, Silver, never look at it as a favor. I'm doing because we are family, understand?”

  Silver hugged Birdie. “I understand.”

  After spending the entire day shopping on 34th Street, Birdie and Silver had acquired tons of Macy's and pink Conway shopping bags. They had so much fun together that day that time seemed to fly by. Silver in particular experienced a newfound freedom that she had never known before. In her seventeen years, she had never shopped or been allowed to pick and choose what she wanted to wear. To top things off, Birdie took Silver to the Dominican hair salon to get her hair done, and to the Korean to get her fingernails silk-wrapped and a full pedicure. This was such a new and refreshing experience that, at times, Silver couldn't help but feel guilty.

  Exiting the train station back in Harlem, Silver and Birdie wearily headed home, arms filled with bags.

  “Oh, child,” Birdie suddenly said, “I got to go to the number hole and play my numbers. You go ahead to the building and wait for me.”

  Silver nodded and continued toward the building. Stopping at the light, she suddenly saw a bearded man fall out of the rear of a moving black sedan. The car screeched to an abrupt halt, and she watched a dark-skinned man emerge from the rear in quick pursuit as the fallen man tried desperately to regain his balance. The dark-skinned man quickly grabbed him from behind, ending his brief chance at freedom. As the pursuer pulled the bearded man back toward the car, he fell limply to the ground and pleaded for his life.

  “Aw, come on, man,” he pleaded. “I ain't talk to nobody. It wasn't me, I swear!”

  The dark-skinned man remained silent but continued pulling the man by his collar.

  “Aw, man,” the first cried, pounding his fist on the ground. “This is fucked up, this is fucked up … Why y'all doing this, man? I ain't talk to nobody. I ain't tell nobody shit. Please, man!” Unable to get the man to hear his pleas, the fallen man lay limply by the curb. “Man, we can work this shit out. Just let me talk to them niggers. You got the wrong man, I swear!”

  The driver of the car yelled out. “Yo, Hollis, this shit is getting hot. Handle that shit!”

  Hollis wasn't a tall man, but he was built like a Sherman tank. Though he seemed young, he had deeply defined eyes that reminded Silver of a shark. If it weren't for the hideous long scar that he had on the side of his face and neck, he could have been considered handsome.

  Hollis pulled out a high-caliber weapon. “One time, nigger. Die on your feet like a man, or die in the gutter like the filthy dog that you are—snitch!”

  The terrified man continued to pound the pavement. “Man, I done told you, I ain't—”

  Before he finished his sentence, Hollis fired a
single bullet through the man's cranium. Brain and skull fragments splattered the pavement in a starburst pattern. Silver jumped as she watched the man's head burst like a dropped melon.

  Hollis coolly watched the man's body shake violently. “Bow-wow, bitch,” he said, and then strolled casually back to the sedan, closed the rear door, and hopped into the passenger seat. As the men screeched off, they saw her. The car slammed to a halt and the driver's gaze locked on Silver, as if straining to get a good look at her. Silver stared back in horror as she watched a long, black gun extend out the window, pointed directly at her. Suddenly, the car took off, burning rubber down the street, and instants later, Birdie snatched Silver off her feet and out of harm's way. Inside their building, Birdie rushed up the stairs, shopping bags bumping everywhere. At the door, he nervously fumbled through his purse for his keys.

  “It's getting worse and worse around here,” he cried. “One day I'm gonna get the hell out of this place.”

  Silver stood in a daze. “They were going to kill me. I—I saw it.”

  Birdie stopped fishing for his keys. “What did you say?”

  Silver looked up at Birdie. “I saw the whole thing. He blew that man's head off right in front of me, Birdie.”

  Birdie finally got the door open and pulled her inside the apartment. Dropping the bags, he grabbed Silver by both shoulders. “Listen, child, you ain't seen nothing, you ain't hear nothing. You understand me, Silver?” Birdie shook her.

  “Yes, Auntie Birdie, I understand. I understand!”

  Birdie obviously felt some remorse for handling her so roughly, and gave her a hug. “I just can't afford to see nothing happen to you, baby. It would surely drive me crazy if I let something happen to you, Silver. You understand, baby?”

  Silver gave him a wan smile. “I understand, Auntie Birdie,” she said again. They hugged, and then Birdie pulled away.

  “Now let's try on our clothes like we use to do.”