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  “No … please, Birdie, I … I can kick it if you help me, like … like we did last time. You can tie me down real good, you remember?”

  Birdie did remember, and it had been like hell fighting the drug cold turkey. “Okay, Jesse. I'm here for you.”

  “I want to get cleaned up before Silver gets home. I don't want her to see me like this.” Jesse babbled incoherently about her hair and her clothes, while Birdie gently patronized her. Suddenly, the front door swung open and Silver ran inside.

  “Auntie Birdie … Auntie Birdie, you should have seen the fight at school today. This bully named Problem—” She stopped short when she realized Birdie had a rare guest in the house. The three of them stared at each other for several moments before Jesse smiled, revealing her yellowish teeth.

  “Silver, baby, it's me … Mommy!”

  Silver looked at her, then to Birdie, then back at Jesse, and ran to her room and slammed the door.

  Birdie helped Jesse shower and cleaned her up the best that he could, but she still looked like hell. Her clothes were now four sizes too big and fell off her. Jesse was so upset that Silver was hurt at the sight of her that she asked Birdie if she should talk to her, but Birdie said that he would talk to her first.

  Birdie softly knocked on Silver's door and walked in. Silver sat on her bed doing her homework as if nothing had happened. “Silver … are you okay?” he asked cautiously. Silver continued silently working on her homework. Moving closer, Birdie bent down and smiled. “Didn't I tell you your mother would come home?” Still silent, Silver continued to write in her notebook. Birdie put his hand on Silver's, stopping her from writing. “Silver, aren't you happy that your mother is finally back home?”

  “That's not my mother,” Silver snapped. “Now get out of my room!”

  Birdie nodded in understanding and quietly left.

  Later that night, Jesse began to experience the tremendous pain of heroin and crack withdrawal. Birdie had to tie her legs and arms to the bedposts. Sweat drenched Jesse as she became delusional and began to hallucinate.

  “Birdie, please … I … I'm only gonna get just one hit … just one hit and I come right back, I swear. Please, Birdie … let me go, you bitch! Please let me go.”

  Crying, Birdie felt her pain, but this was the only way. He wept, not only for Jesse but also for Silver, who could surely hear the shrieks of madness coming from her mother's bedroom.

  “Do you hear her? She is coming to get my baby!”

  “Who?” Birdie asked.

  “Shh! You don't hear that?”

  Jesse was spooked. Her eyes bulged as she listened earnestly for the sound.

  “I don't hear anything,” Birdie said. “What is it?”

  “She coming to get her … my mother … don't let her in, don't let her in … she's coming to get my baby … Birdie, don't let her get my baby!”

  “I won't,” Birdie assured her. “It's okay.”

  “Birdie, promise me!” Jesse snapped. “Promise me that if something should ever happen to me, you won't let her get my baby. Don't let that woman do to her what she did to me … Promise me!”

  “I promise, Jesse, I promise,” Birdie soothed her, trying to calm her down.

  Hours, then days passed, and Jesse survived the critical moments. At one point, Silver walked timidly into Jesse's room to have a look at this woman who claimed to be her mother. Still looking like death, Jesse nevertheless managed a slight smile even though she felt as if she were dying. This was the best opportunity, she thought, to educate her daughter on the dangers and effects of drugs. It was better for Silver to suffer through seeing her this way than to suffer from the same thing herself someday. “Silver,” Jesse grunted as she fought through the pain, “I want you to listen. They got this new shit out—it's called crack.” She shook her head and explained. “Smoking that shit … that glass fuckin’ dick … is like sucking the dick of the devil himself. That shit makes heroin seem like Ex-cedrin!” Her bloodshot eyes stared at Silver as if her whole life depended on her words, and she began to cry. “That stuff messed me up bad, baby. It will take your soul from you … bring you to your knees.” Tears began to fall from Silver's eyes.

  “I saw a whole lot of people die just for being in the wrong place at the wrong time,” Jesse continued. “I'm supposed to be dead right now, but I guess God got different plans for me.” Turning her head to see if Silver was paying attention, she lashed out. “Silver, don't let no motherfuckers ever tell you no different. Don't let none of them fool you about these drugs! Don't you smoke a joint, don't you pop no pill, and don't let them fool you into thinking alcohol is okay, ‘cause it's not! That shit is all the same.” She grew desperate. “Do you hear me, Silver?”

  “Yes, Mommy … I won't,” Silver cried.

  “Birdie!” Jessie called out.

  “I'm here, Jesse, I'm here.”

  “Take these fuckin’ sheets off of me!”

  Fretting at the thought, Birdie looked over at an already shaken Silver and shook his head. “I—I don't think that's a good idea, Jesse.”

  “Bitch! I don't give a damn what you think,” Jesse said, incensed. “She's going to see everything! Now take these damn sheets off of me!”

  Full of apprehension, Birdie looked from Silver to Jesse and reluctantly complied with her orders and slowly pulled the sheets off of her. Silver's eyes widened as she observed the protruding bones and sallow skin that was now her mother's rail-thin body. Her skin was covered with hideous black and blue sores that blotched her entire body. She looked like death. Silver shuddered.

  “Look at me, Silver,” Jessie implored. “Look at me, and don't you ever forget this shit as long as you live. Do you hear me?”

  “Yes, Mommy!”

  She gasped for breath. “Always remember, it's not going to be some big bad man who gonna offer you to do drugs for the first time. It's either going to be so-called friends or your own fucking family—believe that shit. You hear me, Silver? A family member or friends!” Teary-eyed, she went on. “Silver, promise me, baby … promise me that you will have nothing to do with drugs—nothing! Don't use it because you will end up like this.” Jesse cast a glance across her own body. “Don't ever have nothing to do with drugs, because this is what that poison does to a human being. Do you understand?”

  Wiping her eyes, Silver answered, “Yes, Mommy … I understand.”

  “Come here,” Jesse said softly.

  Silver walked slowly over to her mother and gave her a hug.

  Chapter 11

  THE BIRTHDAY SURPRISE

  Over the next few months, Jesse remained true to her word and stayed off drugs. She gained most of her weight back as Birdie and Silver waited on her hand and foot. Slowly and surely, her appearance was coming back as well, and she used lightening cream to get rid of the darkened spots where the sores had been. Eventually Jesse felt well enough to go back to work in Times Square. Silver cried when Jesse went out alone that first night. Jesse told her not to worry and assured her that she was through with drugs forever. Jesse even told her that she would have a surprise for her very soon.

  Silvers birthday was coming up on September 18, and Jesse had promised that this would be a birthday that she wouldn't forget. She promised to be home early to celebrate. When she told Silver she could have any gift that she wanted, the girl simply asked for a black Barbie doll and a new jump rope.

  Jesse punched her time card, finished with her shift at Macy's on 34th Street. This was the big surprise for Silver and Birdie. Jesse had searched all week for a job, and Macy's had interviewed her for a sales position. They'd hired her on the spot after her friend Lynn, whom she'd gone to school with, put a word in for her. Jesse smiled from ear to ear as she envisioned giving Silver the Barbie doll and jump rope that she had just purchased, along with the news that she was through with prostitution and had found a regular job at none other than Macy's. She decided to walk over to the motel on 47th Street and Eleventh Avenue where she'd formerly
rented a room, to get her three-hundred-dollar deposit back, since she had retired from hooking.

  While she was walking to the motel, a car pulled up beside her, driven by a goofy-looking white boy wearing glasses. The man stumbled over his words. “Excuse me, ma'am, but I would like to know … I mean, I was wondering if … you know … well, if you might be interested?”

  Jesse knew exactly what he wanted and decided to help him out a little. “You would like to know if I'm interested in a date.”

  The shy-looking man looked down and confessed. “Yes, ma'am!”

  “I'm sorry, honey, but I'm retired.” The man seemed let down but apologized for asking.

  “I'm sorry for intruding. I didn't mean you no harm—I never did this before.”

  Jesse told him he had nothing to be sorry about, and he bashfully offered her a ride. Jesse glanced around to see if any buses were coming, and saw none. She turned back to the goofy-looking man and agreed to let him drop her off at the motel, which was still a good distance away, and jumped in. He told her his name was Stanley, and they shook hands. He explained that he got tired of doing it to the nudie magazines in the bathroom all the time, and after two weeks of thinking about it had finally gotten up the nerve to do it.

  Jesse smiled. “Stanley, are you a virgin?” Looking embarrassed, he let out a laugh and looked down. “Stanley,” she said, “if you don't keep your eyes on the road, you will never get a chance to get any.”

  He straightened out the wheel. “How did you know I was a virgin?”

  Jesse smiled. “Just a lucky guess.” She stole a look at the bashful, blushing man and started to think. Since she was already going to the motel, there was no sense in turning down a perfectly good trick. She looked at her watch. “Stanley, I tell you what. If I was to do this, it would have to be quick and worth my while.”

  “How does a hundred dollars sound? And talk about quick … shoot, no sooner do I touch myself, I splatter holy hell all over the place.”

  Jesse smiled. “I believe you, Stanley.” Pointing, she continued. “Okay, take this turn on Forty-seventh Street and go over to Eleventh Avenue.” Stanley smiled like a kid who'd just been promised a brand-new bicycle, and Jesse thought, One more time for the road never killed anybody.

  Inside the motel room, Jesse undressed down to her bra and panties while Stanley stepped into the bathroom. “Come on, baby, I done told you I ain't got much time,” Jesse called. The bathroom door opened, and Stanley nervously walked toward her with a white towel wrapped around his rail-thin body. Jesse looked at him. “Everything gonna be all right. Mama is gonna take care of you.” Positioning herself at the side of the bed, she rubbed his hand to calm him down. Slowly, she unwrapped the towel from his waist and told him to relax. She began to give him a blowjob. He seemed more relaxed and began to move, and at the same time to mumble. After a few moments, the mumbling grew louder and she heard him chanting what sounded like biblical verses as he started thrusting faster. She glanced up. His facial structure had changed, hardening into a scowl as spit started to collect at the sides of his mouth. She grew alarmed, but figured this was just his way. She felt his entire body tense, and glanced up toward his face once more. His bloodshot eyes blazed as he spoke down to her while raising a large knife that had been taped to his lower back.

  “And God said he will send forth his disciples to rid the earth of all sins and abominations. Redemption will be mine for the sake of purity, for I am the purveyor of his goodness, his answer to his resurrection.”

  Jesse never saw it coming. She felt a harsh blow, and the last thing she saw was the uplifted knife, its shiny surface dulled with her blood as it spattered over his face and body.

  A circle of candles flickered in the darkened room. He carried Jesse's body from the bathroom, where he had thoroughly bathed and cleaned her. After dressing her in an all-white wedding gown, he slowly placed Jesse on the bed, ever so gently. Her body had been drained of blood and her skin appeared ghastly pale. Stanley stared at her and smiled proudly. “You look beautiful, Mother. Wasn't it a lot of people at the wedding? Gosh, I didn't expect such an outcome. Did you see everyone's faces when we gave our vows? Oh, it was just beautiful. I bet Dad was really surprised.” He snickered as he looked down at her pale body. “Mother, you are now granted full clemency, cleansed of all your sins, and granted full redemption, and thus now worthy as my concubine and worthy for my entry.” He unrobed and proceeded to mount her dead corpse to consummate the incestuous marriage.

  Chapter 12

  BAD LUCK DOES COME IN THREES

  Nearly a week had passed since Silver or Birdie had last heard anything from Jesse. Their mood was somber and silent because they both knew it would be only a matter of time before Jesse came home, beaten down from the streets again. After all the broken promises, they weren't sure exactly how they could trust her anymore. They still loved Jesse, but all the worrying she put them through was very hard on both of them, particularly Silver, who became more and more withdrawn in her classes. Guilt and shame became constant companions in her life. If it hadn't been for the trust and confidence she had in Chance, she wasn't sure how she would have handled such burdens. Though she was tight with Missy, she knew the girl could not offer her any advice. She and Chance became inseparable; he comforted his girl with all the compassion it took to get her through the bad times. Silver must have cried on his shoulder a thousand times, but he was there for her whenever she needed him, no matter what. He even snuck out of his foster parents’ home once and spent the entire night with Silver at her house, hugging her tightly as they slept. He promised Silver that no matter what happened, he would be there for her when she needed him the most. When Silver was with Chance, it was the only time she really felt safe. It was as if they truly became a part of each other, feeling each other's pain, as if they were intertwined.

  Silver always waited for Chance after school so they could walk home together. Since she got out before he did, she simply waited in front of the school for him. One day, as she waited, Problem, Tyrell, and an older boy ditty-bopped toward her. As they surrounded her, Problem spoke to the older boy.

  “Yeah, that's the bitch … she's one of them that jumped me.”

  The older boy, who was about sixteen, was fresh out of Spofford, a juvenile lockup in the Bronx.

  “Yo, I heard you and your crew held my little brother down while some nigger punched him in the face.”

  Silver defiantly looked at Problem. “I don't know what he's talking about. I didn't need to hold him down—he got his ass kicked fair and square.”

  Problem quickly defended himself. “She's lying! I was winning the fight when she and her friends grabbed both my arms, and that's when the dude started punching me in my face. Right, Tyrell?”

  Tyrell nodded. “Yep, that's exactly what happened.”

  “Yo, you got to pay for fucking with my brother,” the older boy said. He shrugged. “But since you're a girl, I'm gonna give you a chance to make it up to him. I want you to say sorry and bend down and kiss his Jordans.”

  Problem and Tyrell laughed while Silver looked at them. “I ain't saying sorry, and I'm damn sure ain't gonna kiss his funky sneakers!” She dropped her book bag. “Me and him can throw down right here and right now before I do that shit!”

  “Hold up,” Problem's brother said. “You ain't got no fucking choice! Either do like the fuck I said or you gonna have to deal with me.”

  He edged closer. Silver looked over the boy's face and knew he was serious.

  “Now what the fuck you gonna do?”

  She did the only thing she knew to do. She put her hands on her hips and looked him square in the eyes. “Do what you have to do, nigger.”

  The older boy seemed amused. “Oh, this lil’ bitch think I'm playing.” He ordered the two younger boys to grab her arms. Silver struggled to escape, but Problem and Tyrell were too strong. The older boy squared himself in front of her.

  “Now, lil’ cunt, I'm gonna gi
ve yo ass one more chance to apologize, only this time you hafta bend down and kiss my Jordans, too.”

  “I ain't kissing shit,” Silver said angrily, and spat in his face.

  Enraged, the older boy slapped Silver across the mouth, splitting her lip. Without warning, Silver administered a hard, swift knee to the boy's groin, and he doubled over in pain. Angry, the boy struggled to his feet. “Bitch, you done fucked up now!” He punched her in the face, causing her to drop instantly.

  Out of nowhere, Missy appeared. She jumped on the bigger boy's back and began whupping him from behind. He screamed in pain. In the background, Diego and Beastly watched the fight with the other students, but they were both too afraid to help Silver or Missy.

  “Bitch!” the older boy yelled. He grabbed hold of Missy's hair and tossed her to the ground. Angry, Missy rose immediately and went on the attack again, but he punched her, sending her flying backward.

  This struck a nerve in Diego, and he suddenly burst through the crowd and tackled the older boy to the ground, cursing ferociously. “Te voy a matarlé … Te voy a matarlé … I'll kill you,” he swore as he pummeled the boy.

  Problem and Tyrell jumped in, grabbed Diego off Problem's brother, and began stomping him out.

  Watching, Beastly gritted his teeth, let out an eerie yell, and sprang in to attack as well. “Bumbocloth meki me kill tha pussycloth boy im na know who im a bumbocloth a fuck wid!” Beastly snapped, swinging wildly as he began whupping both Problem and Tyrell senseless. He served one and then the other before they could get to their feet. Finally gaining their balance, they both ran as if their lives depended on it.

  “A bwoy nu cum back round ya tis teach you not tu not tief me no more!” Beastly yelled, chasing both boys out of the schoolyard.

  The older boy and Diego were on their feet now, Diego with his hands up in a fighting position. The bigger boy looked at Diego as if he were a bad joke, and then punched his pudgy opponent with a hard left, then a brutal right that knocked him out cold. Problem's brother then stepped over to Silver, still on the ground. “One more time, bitch. You gonna kiss my sneakers or what?”